New Barbies

Well, after spending a week in Pennsylvania talking about filtering and then another week in Ontario at the California Library Association's Annual Conference, it's time for some comic relief.

The makers of our beloved Barbie doll have finally come up with some Barbies that bear some resemblance to real human beings. Well, they seem awfully real to me at least! See if you agree.

Bifocals Barbie Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

Hot Flash Barbie Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

Facial Hair Barbie As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

Flabby Arms Barbie Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-Muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

Bunion Barbie Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

Post-Menopausal Barbie This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.